


Replicate The Heart

by KalluraIcedCoffee



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Clones, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-03 08:59:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15815676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KalluraIcedCoffee/pseuds/KalluraIcedCoffee
Summary: If you love something, let it go. If it was meant to be it will come back to you. But what it if comes back not quite the same? Keith is still trying to make peace with Allura’s death when he discovers she’s already found a way to return to him. However she’s not the Allura he once knew and he’s not sure if he can accept her.





	1. Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wanted her back, but not quite like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this fic in April and have been sitting on it ever since. I’m not sure why, I just never felt ready letting it go for one reason or another, but after fussing over it and revising it a million times I realize I need to stop being so weird about it and post it.
> 
> The italicized parts are memories.

He always worked late now. It was easier to work in solitude in the late hours of the day then fake emotions and tolerance and patience for his colleagues that he no longer had.

He approached the door, placing his thumb on the scanner. A glowing green line dragged down the length of his digit, reading the fingerprint, confirming his identity. “Dr. Keith Kogane” blinked on the screen and it beeped in recognition as the door slid open. The click clack of his footsteps on the tile floors echoed in the quiet empty lab room.

He came here every night, he couldn’t help himself.

The body floated in an upright tank filled with bubbling liquid from the filtration system. Her white hair swirled about her face with an oxygen mask covering her mouth, various tubes protruding from her body. The white one-piece swimsuit covering her frame displayed the Garrison Institute logo on the hip. Computers nearby hummed and whirred and beeped as they constantly monitored her vitals. Keith stared at her then looked down to run his fingers over the label on the tank: LU-16.

She was beautiful and he hated her.

Well maybe hate was too strong as she didn’t ask to be here but he sure as hell resented her.

She was the living embodiment of Allura’s deceitfulness. Although to be fair Allura wasn’t the only one keeping secrets. Keith was the one who asked her to agree to keep their relationship hush-hush. It could be deemed unprofessional, they wouldn’t understand, it’s none of their business, excuses, excuses. She said she understood, she agreed, but the hurt in her eyes was obvious and he knew and yet he selfishly let them carry on. This was his punishment, his karma. In return for not only hiding their connection but refusing to define it, it meant he didn’t deserve to have her tell him every little thing.

Even something as important as this.

The Garrison Institute had been working on cloning technology for a while. They had been successful with animals but graduating to human subjects proved difficult. There were ethical implications, which is why Dr. Allura Altea was the perfect volunteer. As an employee at the institute, she was already aware of the pros and cons, hell she was the one who had done most of the research. It also didn’t hurt that she had no family, no next of kin who could show up later contesting her wishes. So, not thinking it would actually ever come to pass until she was old and grey and long gone, she signed a waiver, submitted her DNA and allowed them to download her consciousness. 

Only as fate would have it she was long gone far sooner than either she or Keith could’ve imagined. She left his townhouse on a rainy day and that was the last time he saw her. He still couldn’t decide who he hated more, the asshole who ran the red light or himself for not finally admitting to that her he loved her before she walked out the door. He had only ever had enough courage for a “me too” and luckily for him she let that be enough, or at least that’s what she let him believe. Either way the terms of the waiver she signed were clear and upon her death Garrison was allowed to move forward with the cloning project with her as the first text subject.

There were definitely misses, numerous failed attempts, but the sixteenth time was the charm. They’d even found a way to accelerate the growth process so it was like Allura never left (even though it had technically been a few years). Keith could handle a baby or a child version of her but this, this was just cruel and he couldn’t even say anything because no one knew they were ever together. So he got to suffer in silence, hiding his contempt.

The day they were ready to wake her was crazy, hectic and exciting for every member of the institute. Even employees from different departments came to see. Everyone wanted the project to be successful except Keith who was quietly hovering on the edges hoping she’d never wake up. He hated himself for being so bitter. If they could pull this off it would mean everything for the institute and Allura’s work would be a part of a legacy and yet he couldn’t be happy about it.

They took her from the tank and laid her on a table, dried and redressed. An oxygen mask still covered her face, electrodes adhered to her temples, more wires, more tubes. A monitor showed the progress of the consciousness upload at 76%. The closer it approached 100 the more Keith’s heart sunk into his stomach. He can’t do this. He can’t do this. He can’t do this.

 

_“You know the rules. No work in bed.” Allura emerges from the bathroom, patting her damp hair with a towel that hangs around her neck. She leans over the bed, yanking the report from Keith’s hand._

_“Hey!” He reaches for the papers but she holds them out of reach._

_She puts them on a desk where he can’t get them unless he gets out of bed which she knows he’s reluctant to do at this hour. She crawls onto the bed, on top of Keith until she’s straddling him over the sheets. He grunts while she adjusts herself purposely, rubbing against him in a feigned attempt to get comfortable, all the while feeling him through the sheets and her light cotton shorts. A knowing devious smile spreads across her lips._

_“No working in bed” she repeats._

_“Just a little light reading.” He stares up at her over the rims of his glasses then places both hands firmly on her hips._

_“An 80 page report is light reading?” She yanks the towel from around her neck and gives it one final pass through her hair before tossing it on the floor._

_“You’re a slob” he murmurs._

_“I’ll pick it up in the morning.”_

_“Or you can pick it up now.”_

_“Do you really want me to get off just to pick up a towel?”_

_Her wet hair clings to her skin and her sheer white tank top. If seeing her nipples through the fabric isn’t distracting enough, her slight subtle movements on his lap have him forgetting all about the towel. She can throw a million towels on the floor if she wants._

_“It can wait until morning I suppose.” He compromises as his hands slip up under the hem of her top until the mounds of her soft skin are in his palms._

_She moans softly while removing his glasses from his face, folding them and placing them gently on the bedside table._

_“Make love to me…please…” she pleads earnestly as if that wasn’t already the plan. He can’t help but love it when she asks though. It makes him feel like she always needs him._

The upload completed and it was only moments until they would officially wake her. The air was thick with anticipation with everyone crowded around the body, from a respectable distance of course, except for Keith who was backed up against a wall, a lump so large in his throat he could choke. He wanted to run but he knew this was momentous occasion and any sense of unease would draw unwanted attention and questions to himself so he stayed quiet and out of the way. A doctor filled a syringe and injected a chemical dopamine cocktail into an IV that was hooked to her arm. Every warm body in the room held their breath as they watched the drug swirl down the tube and disappear into her veins.

Now they wait…

And wait.

Someone recorded the amount of time that passed. Someone else checked the vitals on the computer, taking copious notes of observations. It felt like an eternity before she opened her eyes but she opens them, blue and striking, and when she did the whole room roared in elation. Keith couldn’t move. He dug his fingers into his lab coat, grasping it in tight fists.

 

_“I think we spend more time picking out which movie to watch then actually watching one.” Keith yanks the remote from her hand._

_“I was about to pick something!” Allura huffs._

_“Really? What?”_

_“Uh…well…ok I hadn’t decided but when I do it will be profound!” Allura insists as she cuddles closer to him on the couch._

_“As profound as that terrible rom-com you picked last time?”_

_“Oh shut up, if your taste is so much better you pick something!”_

_“I will.” Keith picks a movie within seconds._

_“Ugh Aliens again?”_

_“What’s wrong with Aliens? That stuff is real you know.”_

_“Oh here we go again.” Allura rolls her eyes and tries to steal the remote back._

_“It is!”_

_“Uh huh and so is the Abominable Snowman.”_

_“And Big Foot, I even have proof!”_

_“What proof?”_

_Keith grabs her leg and yanks her sock off her foot._

_“See right here!” He smirks._

_Allura erupts into laughter and hits him repeatedly with a cushion before trying to playfully smother him with it. He wrestles it out of her hand and pulls her on top of him into a kiss. She’s still giggling into his mouth between pecks._

_“I love you…” she whispers._

_His heart skips every time she says it as if it’s the first time. He pulls back and brushes the hair from her face, staring into those blue eyes._

_“Me too…” he replies softly._

 

Unsurprisingly she was startled upon opening her eyes and having so many people surrounding her and cheering. They immediately hushed and gave her space. One of the doctors leaned over her and gently brushed her hair back away from her face and forehead.

“Hi. My name is Dr. Katherine Holt. Can you hear me?”

She nodded. Notes of this act were scribbled on a clipboard.

“Do you remember who you are?”

There was a long pause. She looked around, licked her lips, swallowed to moisten her throat. Her eyes narrowed as if she was thinking, concentrating, trying to recall.

“Doctor…doctor Allura…Altea…” Her voice groggy and muffled by the oxygen mask.

There was a quiet sigh of relief that spread through the room. Keith watched from a distance, biting his nails to calm his nerves to no avail. His body shook terribly. He finally had to slip out of the room. What started as a brisk walk became a bolt as he lunged at the door to the men’s bathroom. Luckily it was empty so no one could hear as he slammed open the door to the nearest stall and vomited into the toilet. He used his foot to push the handle and the toilet flushed as he slid down against the stall wall onto the floor. He ripped his glasses off and buried his face in his arm as the tears came, violent sobs echoing in the cold empty restroom.

 

_“Just cancel it. Let’s just stay in bed all day and order take out.” Keith props himself up in bed on his elbow. He wears nothing but bed sheets._

_“And what do I tell Katie? Sorry I can’t come to lunch, I’m staying in with my…” She let it linger on purpose waiting for him to finish the thought for her._

_“You don’t have to tell her anything, just tell her something came up.” He evades another moment of being put on the spot._

_“I bet it did.” She looks him up and down with a smirk while putting on her coat._

_“I’m serious. Stay.” His expression becomes quite serious._

_Allura comes over to the bed, leaning down to kiss him softly on the lips then again on his forehead._

_“It’s just lunch. I won’t be gone long, promise.”_

_She stands upright and heads toward the door, grabbing her purse while looking out the window._

_“Hmm…it’s starting to rain…”_

 

The team at Garrison in charge of the project didn’t want to lie. It was important that they be open and honest for the health of the subject for the best results of the project. They sat her down in Dr. Holt’s office while she explained everything supplementing it with a video Allura had recorded when she agreed to participate in the study. She sobbed during the video while Dr. Holt held her hand. It was a lot to take in, but having Allura’s consciousness seemed to help her understand and accept what she was. That being said, she felt it inappropriate to go by Allura after that, parading around as someone she knew she fully wasn’t, and asked that she be called Lu.

The first couple weeks were nothing but physical tests, numerous therapy sessions and interviews discussing Lu’s knowledge of Allura to determine the effectiveness of the upload. While the upload was essentially successful it wasn’t perfect. Lu’s mind contained the basics of who Allura was and the work she did at the institute but many of the more intimate memories appeared to be lost, at least for now.

Keith hoped to keep his distance from her, but no such luck. He was asked personally by Dr. Holt to assist in gathering data during the tests and record observations. It wasn’t like he could say no, what excuse could he give without giving his feelings away? So he stood back and let Katie do most of the talking while he jotted down notes. He thought if he just quietly placed himself in the background Lu wouldn’t notice him, but her gaze seemed to always follow him. Her eyes were so damn piercing and when he would find them locked on him he would stand stunned before quickly looking away. Lu never attempted to talk to him, however, so at least there was that small solace. Well at least for a while.

It was normal to have people knocking on Keith’s office door, but not usually at a quarter to midnight and the sudden sound cutting through the quiet caused him to jump.

“C-come in.” His voice was hesitant and shaky having been startled.

He saw her hair peeking through the door as it opened before he even saw her face and his body instantly tensed up in his chair.

“Hi…I hope I’m not interrupting. I just…I couldn’t sleep. Sometimes I like to walk around the facility, to see what I can remember and I saw your office light was on” Lu said softly, stepping into the room. Her hair was down and she wore a black jumpsuit with the Garrison insignia.

Keith had momentarily forgotten that Garrison had living quarters on the large property and she stayed there willingly while they conducted their research. Perhaps working late nights as an escape was no longer an option to him now that she was standing here.

“Is there something I can help you with Ms. Altea?” There was still unease in his tone that he was trying desperately to cover with indifference.

“Uh nothing, just, you’re always there during the tests but you never talk so I figured I’d introduce myself.”

“There’s no need, everyone here knows who you are.” He pretended to click on very important things on his computer.

“Yes I suppose heh…can I sit?”

“…You may.” He didn’t have the heart to kick her out.

She came and sat in the chair opposite his desk, curling up in it, holding her knees to her chest. She looked around, studying the office as if she was trying to recall whether she remembered this place or not.

“It’s weird you know,” she finally broke the silence, “having everyone know who you are but you can’t fully remember who they are. I remember names and faces and brief interactions but the rest is a bit fuzzy.”

“I can imagine it’s confusing for you.”

“A bit. Dr. Kogane right?”

“Yes.”

“May I ask you something? A little…personal?”

He froze.

“Were you,” she continues without waiting for his response, “and Allura together? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I know it’s a pretty loaded question.”

An overwhelming nausea swelled in him then and he had to fiddle with papers on his desk while he composed himself.

“No, we were not involved. Why do you ask?” He avoided her gaze.

“Hmm, well this is embarrassing.” She laughed suddenly, covering her mouth with her hand, a gesture Allura often did.

“How so?”

“Well, I think she must’ve had quite the crush on you.”

She had Keith’s full attention then and he was finally making eye contact, although he still tried to appear as apathetic as possible.

“Oh?”

“I can’t seem to generate memories when I look at you, but my dreams…you’re often in my dreams and they’re quite…vivid.” She blushed. “You were definitely on her mind.”

The dim light from his desk lamp couldn’t hide the flush in his cheeks, a jumble of guilt over his dishonesty and recalling memories of the more intimate aspects of his relationship with Allura.

“I’m flattered.” He smiled weakly.

“She would probably kill me for telling you that if she were here.” Lu reddened.

“Well she isn’t.” Keith snapped suddenly, making Lu flinch.

“I-I’m sorry…” shame plastered on her face, “you were good friends?”

“She was a respected colleague.” He went back to feigning busywork.

Lu could tell his patience with her was wearing thin, even if she couldn’t fully comprehend why that was.

“I won’t take up anymore of your time.” She rose from the chair and turned toward the door.

“Lu” Keith called out in exasperation.

“Hmm?”

“Allura was a good friend. We here at the institute are still adjusting to her passing.”

Lu nodded with a gentle smile and slipped out of the door without another word.

After that Keith warmed to her a bit. Perhaps out of guilt, perhaps for other reasons he was unwilling to address at the time. It helped if he thought of her more as Allura’s long lost twin than her actual clone. It helped that there was so much of him that she couldn’t recall.

After weeks of being cooped up in the institute they started to let her outside, accompanied by one of the doctors of course. They figured since enough time had passed and Allura had no close ties outside of the institute, such an outing would be safe from people recognizing someone who was very much dead. Keith wanted a break from the institute as well so he agreed to take her. They decided to kill two birds with one stone by squeezing in another fitness test in the form of a jog around a nearby park.

“This definitely beats the treadmill, but what is the point of all this? Do they think my body is suddenly going to fall apart?” She huffed as they finally came to a stop, bending over and placing her hands on her knees.

“It’s a concern yes. We did grow you in a lab. We just want to make sure we didn’t fuck anything up” he said bluntly, wiping the sweat from his brow with his forearm.

“I can see why you kept quiet all this time, your bedside manner is terrible.” Lu pursed her lips playfully.

“Sorry.” He laughed.

He approached her and placed two fingers to her neck while checking his watch. Lu stared at him while regaining her breath. Without thinking she instinctively reached up and brushed the damp hair from his face. His eyes shot up suddenly at her touch.

“I-I’m sorry I don’t know why I did that.” She swiftly pulled her hand away feeling embarrassed.

“It’s…it’s fine” Keith stammered before quickly pulling his phone out of the pocket of his jersey shorts to make note of her heart rate. “Let’s continue walking.”

They walked around in silence a bit before Lu decided to squash the awkwardness with distracting small talk.

“It’s nice being able to get outside finally. I was going to go nuts if I had to sit around and watch another movie.”

“You mean you don’t like to Netflix and chill all day between gratuitous tests?” He smirked.

“If I end up watching anything at all. I swear I spend more time trying to find something I want to watch then actually watching it.”

“Well when you do actually pick something what sort of movies do you like?” he asked casually, already knowing the answer. Allura loved romantic comedies.

“Hmm, I find myself really drawn to science fiction and action. Like Aliens? I’ve watched it at least a five times now since waking up. You know that stuff is real right? Like maybe not xenomorphs, but there’s definitely intelligent life out there.” Lu looked up at the sky and smiled, the sunshine warming her face.

Keith froze like he’d seen a ghost. It took Lu a moment to realize he had stopped walking and she finally turned to see the stunned look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Her brow furrowed.

“N-Nothing.” He quickly flashed a smile and jogged to catch up to her, though he felt like there were rocks in the pit of his stomach.

Weird little instances like that continued in the next weeks. Lu was identical to Allura in a lot of ways but once in a while she would exhibit a trait, a gesture, a preference that was entirely Keith. Lu still had no recollection of Keith and Allura’s relationship and yet her memories of their time together would slip through the cracks without her realizing it. It would shake Keith to his core each time and all he could do was endure it alone, unable to tell anyone his secret. After all that had passed he couldn’t possibly tell the truth now, not just because of how it would affect Lu but he knew they’d take him off the project due to the conflict. And as much as he probably would’ve begged for that in the beginning he was spending too much time with her now. He couldn’t pull away even if he wanted to. Keith was playing a dangerous game and he no longer cared.

One late night Lu sat in bed reading, unable to sleep, when there was a knock on her door. She was more than a little surprised to find Keith standing there with a pizza box and a plastic bag.

“What are you doing he-”

“Quick let me in before the security cameras come back around.” He motioned to a camera in the corner of the hallway that slowly panned back and forth.

She nodded and quickly hurried him inside. Her living quarters were similar to a hotel suite: a bed, bathroom, and tiny kitchenette.

“Is that what I think it is?” Lu’s gaze fell longingly on the pizza box.

“And beer.” Keith held up the plastic bag.

“Ah you’re amazing! They won’t let me have any of that stuff, at least not yet.” Lu took the box from his hands.

They sat on the floor at the edge of the bed, placing the pizza box between them.

“As grateful as I am for this, my previous question still stands. What are you doing here?”

“I work a lot of late nights and I know you’ve become a bit of a night owl as well…”

“How did you kn-”

“I hear you pacing down the hallway in front of the offices. I know I was short with you the first time but you’re always welcome to come in and talk if you need to.” Keith cracked a beer.

“I don’t want to bother you while you’re working.”

“It’s fine.”

Lu took a bite of pizza and groaned so deeply it made Keith blush.

“Good?” He handed her a beer.

“So good!” She grinned.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

Lu sipped her beer and nodded.

“Aliens?” His eyebrow arched.

She nodded more enthusiastically.

They watched the movie in silence, eating pizza and whittling away the six back of beer and stealing glances at each other. By the end of the movie and the third beer Lu was already feeling a little light headed and when she found herself leaning on his shoulder he did nothing to stop her.

“I’m pretty sure most of life’s problems can be solved by shoving something in an airlock.” She nodded.

“Well we’re not in space so what are you going to do when the aliens come to earth and jump on your face?” He suddenly lifted his arm and placed his palm over her face, clamping down with his fingers.

“Stop!” She giggled, pulling his hand away, holding it in hers. “I’ll fight it with my super clone powers.”

“Uh I hate to break it to you but we didn’t give you mutant powers, you’re just a regular person.”

“Well that’s cheap!” Lu scoffed.

Keith’s face was dangerously close to hers and she was still holding onto his hand while they joked. He should pull away. He should probably pull away. He should definitely pull away. He tried to convince himself that even if he was tiptoeing into precarious territory, Lu wouldn’t allow it to go any further. Such thoughts, in hindsight, were foolish to assume considering that even if Lu couldn’t remember Allura and Keith were lovers she was still under the impression that Allura had been attracted to Keith. Therefore it shouldn’t have surprised Keith when her lips were suddenly on his. Although it was so fast Keith barely had time to wrap his mind around it.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking!” Lu pulled back immediately and ran a hand through her hair.

Keith couldn’t speak. His stomach fluttered and yet is heart ached. Lu wasn’t Allura and yet it brought back memories of what it was like to kiss her, to touch her. Oh how he’d missed kissing her. He’d almost forgotten how soft her lips were. And, ah, all the butterflies he felt when they kissed for the first time.

_“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Allura blushes, pulling back and inching toward the cab that was waiting for her at the curb._

_The two stand outside of a bar. It’s late._

_They’d met for a drink after work like they had many times before this one. They go to say goodbye and she steals a kiss. Perhaps it’s the boldness caused by one too many cocktails. Maybe it’s the impatience caused by one too many meetings like this that were damn near a date, but never labeled a date, where Keith was too nervous to make a move. Either way she tries to slink into the taxi, embarrassed and rambling and he yanks her into his arms and kisses her back._

_He suggests that maybe they share the cab, perhaps back to his place, where other firsts can take place._

 

“Perhaps we should call it a night” Lu murmured, biting her lip.

“Yeah…” Keith quietly gathered up the beer cans and the empty pizza box.

Lu stopped him as he reached for the door.

“Keith…” She was still sitting on the floor, eyes cast to the floor.

“Yeah?”

“I can’t shake this feeling that the dreams I’m having are more than just dreams” she said softly. “Are you sure you and Allura never had anything? Not even a single kiss? A single date that went nowhere?”

Keith kept his back to her, slowly turning the knob and opening the door.

“There was nothing” he said flatly before slipping out.


	2. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wanted him, just like this

_“Keith…” Allura pants breathlessly, resting her forehead against the tile as water drips down her face._

_“Come for me” he growls, burying his face in the back of her shoulder and planting rough kisses on her warm skin._

_His fingers dig into her hips as he takes her from behind, hard and relentless. Allura gasps for air, choked off by the heavy steam from the shower._

_“Come for me” he commands again with a thrust, “come for me Lu…”_

 

Lu’s eyes shot open then quickly shut with a wince as the sun poured in directly on her face. She rolled over on her side, breathing heavily having woken so abruptly from the dream. It felt so real, too real to be a dream, but she couldn’t explain why she only saw him when she slept so she let it go once again. Plus Keith swore he and Allura didn’t have history, so there was no point in pushing it. Her frustration was further exasperated by an overwhelming attraction to him, not just sexually but emotionally. In these moments she felt haunted by Allura. Allura left behind so many questions she didn’t know if she’d ever get the answers to. She grumbled and threw back the covers, heading into the bathroom to take a very cold shower.

As time progressed Garrison allowed Lu to take on some work duties. She wasn’t yet granted full access to Allura’s workload but she was competent enough to complete basic research tasks, data entry and transcribing recorded field notes. Plus they hoped that by working in Allura’s office, it would unlock more memories and eventually she could resume Allura’s duties completely, if she wanted to of course.

“Hey you busy?” Dr. Holt poked her head into the office.

“I can take a break,” Lu looked up from her computer, “what’s up?”

Katie nudged the door open further, carrying a large box. She lugged it inside and placed in on the desk.

“I wanted to give it some time before I brought this to you.”

“What is it?” Lu stood and peered into the box.

“When Allura died she didn’t have any family. As her friend they allowed me to take some things of hers. The rest was donated. Knowing Allura had agreed to the project I figured it might be a good idea to keep some clothes and other things. I’m sure you’re tired of Garrison jumpsuits.” She smiled.

“What? No, the jumpsuits are so nice…and baggy and unflattering.” She laughed. “I’ll go through it later thank you.”

“Ok, let me know if you remember anything significant ok?”

“For sure.” She nodded, eying the box with some reservation before getting back to work.

In the evening Lu sat on the bed of her living quarters in her pajamas where she could be alone and rifled through the box. She removed some of the clothes, running her fingers over the fabric, bringing them to her face and inhaling deeply. There was also a nice pair of slippers, some books, jewelry, keepsakes from vacations and a cell phone with a cord. Lu plugged the cell phone into the wall and let it charge while she flipped through the books.

The cell phone finally powered on, the time and date glowing over a floral background. She tried to think if she knew what the password would be but simply resting her thumb over the home button was enough to unlock the phone with fingerprint recognition.  There was hesitation then as to whether to look through the phone. She may have been Allura’s clone but it still felt like a violation. Would Allura have been ok with this if she were still here? Were there secrets on here meant to die with Allura? The curiosity was gnawing at her, clawing. Maybe she’d just look at a few pictures.

She tapped on a folder and began to slowly scroll. Lots of nature pictures. Allura and Katie. Allura with other Garrison employees during what looked like holiday functions and happy hours. Allura and…Keith. One of them looked like it was from the same happy hour. Ok. Another of Allura and Keith in…a park maybe? Allura and Keith wine tasting. Friends go wine tasting, perfectly normal. Do friends also kiss each other’s cheeks at wine tasting? They were wearing the same outfits from the previous photo, Keith was holding the wine glass to his lips while Allura’s face was nuzzled in his cheek. Lu began to feel unease within her as she kept scrolling and tapping on pictures to get a larger view. Keith standing near a cliff’s edge with a vast valley behind him while he held a hiking stick. Keith in the kitchen cooking in his boxers. Keith shirtless in bed, laughing as he held is hand out to prevent the photo from being taken.

Lu suddenly closed the album and tapped on the text messages, her eyes permanently locked on the screen. It was an even bigger violation than the photos but it was too late to go back now. She didn’t read every message but certain words caught her eye immediately. Sweet texts, flirty texts, suggestive texts about what they wanted to do to each other once they were alone together, even more suggestive photos. Allura in lacey bras and panties, Keith’s…

Lu’s hands were shaking as she placed the phone faced down on the bed, resting her trembling fingers over it.

Keith was up late again in his office trying to finish a report before heading home. He sighed and removed his glasses, cleaning them while giving his tired eyes a rest. When he slipped the glasses back on and looked up Lu was standing in the doorway. How had he not even heard her? He jumped.

“You lied” she said weakly, shakily, her face wet with tears. She hadn’t even bothered to put on shoes, walking from the living quarters to the main building in her bare feet.

“E-Excuse me?” he stammered.

“You and Allura…you were together…” Her voice was so soft and quiet Keith almost didn’t hear her. Almost.

“We were never togeth-”

“Please stop lying” she begged.

Lu stepped forward, placing the phone on the desk. The bright screen glowed in the dim office. She had it open to a particularly damning text conversation. Keith picked up the phone and immediately felt like all the wind had been knocked out of him.

“I know perfectly well how late it is. Come over, I need to be inside you” Lu quoted.

“Lu…”

“Playing dirty huh? Sending me pictures like that in the middle of the day while I’m working. I’m so hard now. Are you going to come in here and help me take care of it?” she recited another text.

“Stop!” He stood up abruptly sending the chair sliding back and hitting the wall. His mind was bubbling and boiling with anger and regret and embarrassment all at once.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why did I need to tell you? What Allura and I shared was between us” he snapped.

“Didn’t need to tell me? I’m Allura! She’s a part of m-”

“You’re not Allura!” He cut her off, his voice rough and combative. “You’re not her! You’re a bunch of cells tossed together in a lab! You were grown in a tube and had memories downloaded into you! You’re not Allura! You’re never going to be Allura!” he screamed, digging his fingers into the table as he hunched over it.

Lu winced with every word, each sentence stinging like needles pushed directly into her heart. The tears spilled freely then, her hand clamped over her mouth to stifle the sobs. She ran from his office, the sounds of her bare feet pattering against the tile floor rapidly. Keith’s hands balled into fists. His head dipped as his body began to convulse. Quickly snatching the phone in his hand, he flung it across the room until it hit the wall. The impact shattered the screen and sent the case flying off and clattering to the floor along with the phone. He crumpled to the ground in a blubbering quivering mess.

Lu could barely think straight as she stormed into her living quarters, sobbing and angry and burning. She immediately grabbed all of Allura’s things off the bed and stuffed them haphazardly back in the box then stormed back out. It was raining now and she was still barefoot but she didn’t care as she left the building, the cold wet cement under her feet. She marched across the parking lot to the dumpsters, dropped the box on the ground and threw back the heavy lid. Snatching the box back up, Lu heaved the entire thing into the garbage. Becoming more soaked by the minute she stood there and wept.  She felt utterly alone in that moment, like everything she had was Allura’s and she had nothing to call her own, not even Keith’s heart. 

 

_“I love you.”_

_“W-what?” Keith stutters, nearly spitting up his coffee._

_Allura says it so unexpectedly it catches him off guard. They were just sitting there on the couch enjoying the morning. Keith was reading the paper not noticing that Allura had been staring at him smiling for the past ten minutes._

_“I love you” she says again, “I just wanted you to know.”_

_She gets up and kisses his temple, then saunters into the bathroom and closes the door. The shower turns on. It’s the first time she’s ever said it. He sits there stunned and blushing and warm. Suddenly he doesn’t want to be apart from her and he quickly puts down his mug and paper and follows her into the bathroom._

 

Keith called in the next day saying he wouldn’t be in, nor would he be in the Friday after that giving himself a nice little four day weekend. Friday night rolled around and he was still in the same position he had been in the day before, in his boxers and a ratty t-shirt binging television on the couch with the slightest bit of stubble creeping up on his face. Yes he couldn’t stop thinking about how much he probably hurt her. Yes he felt guilty. Yes he was wallowing and pitying himself. No he didn’t give a shit about that last part. The doorbell rang and he reluctantly pulled himself to his feet. Chinese food must be here.

The person at the door wore sneakers, skinny jeans and a slouchy red hooded sweatshirt. They held an umbrella, hung low, shielding their identity. Hmm maybe this wasn’t the delivery guy.

“Can I help you?” His voice was gruff and slightly annoyed.

The umbrella lifted and all he could see was blue eyes. It was Lu, only her hair had been cut, a long bob in gentle subtle waves, some of it falling forward covering one eye. She had on natural makeup.  Keith’s heart skipped a beat.

“Can I come in? It’s kinda wet out here.” She huddled under her umbrella.

“Uh yeah…” he moved aside to let her in, “but how did you know where I liv-”

“Turns out I memorized a lot of things off that phone before we had it out.” She laughed nervously.

Lu shook out the umbrella before entering then closed it up and left it by the door. She slipped off her sneakers and left them there as well.

“You look nice. This suits you.” Keith couldn’t stop staring. An outfit like this wasn’t exactly Allura’s style but he found it fit Lu perfectly.

“Thanks,” Lu looked around, studying the area like she did the first time in Keith’s office. “I asked Katie to take me shopping. I’m not Allura, I see that now. Wearing my hair like her, wearing her clothes...I couldn’t do it.”

“About that, I owe you an apology. The things I said to you…I was a real asshole.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“You were,” she turned around and smiled, “but you weren’t exactly wrong either. I’m not her and I’m never going to be her. I knew it the second I watched that video she left for me to see when I woke up. She was beautiful and smart and witty and…she should be remembered, not replaced.” Lu hung her head.

“Yeah…” Keith nodded. “Still, I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted.”

Lu looked him up and down and smirked and Keith realized then how much of a slob he must look. She looked so cute while he hadn’t bathed since Wednesday and it suddenly made him feel self conscious.

“Uh do you mind if I hop in the shower real quick?”

“Not at all.” She giggled and held her nose.

“Wow.”

“Just sayin.”

“Would you mind listening for the door too? I have takeout coming, I’ve already paid.”

“Yeah.”

Keith’s shower was quick but thorough. He made sure to shave, brush his teeth, gargle with mouthwash, spritz on body spray and do something with his unruly mop of hair. He was aware he was being silly, primping as much as he was, but he felt it suddenly necessary because of…reasons. When he emerged, clean and dressed, the food had already arrived.

“Hungry? Did you want to stay? There’s enough here for two.” He sounded too eager and was rambling a bit.

“Sure.”

She walked into the kitchen and pulled out two plates and two glasses, already seeming to know where they were kept.

“This is never going to stop being weird.” She stopped, standing there with the wine glasses in her hand.

“It’s ok, it’s weird for me too.”

“Did Allura know how to use chopsticks?” she said moments later before shoveling noodles into her mouth.

“No. You seem to be developing traits all your own.” Keith popped the cork off the wine and filled their glasses.

“Inferethting” she mumbled with her mouth full.

After dinner had been cleared away they sat on two kitchen stools and worked on finishing the bottle of wine that sat on the counter between them.

“She never told you she agreed to be cloned?”

“No.” He stared into his glass, swirling the merlot in circles.

“I’m sorry. I wonder why.”

“I would have tried to talk her out of it if she told me. I wouldn’t have been ok with it and I think she knew that.”

“But you were her boyfriend. I’d like to think she would have taken your feelings into consideration.”

“I uh, I wasn’t her boyfriend, or maybe I was. It was complicated.”

“But you guys-” Her brows furrowed.

“I made her keep us a secret. I didn’t want anyone at Garrison knowing about it. Fuck I didn’t even tell her I…” He buried his head in his hand. “She told me she loved me and I didn’t have the balls to say it back.” His voice broke a bit.

“And you feel guilty about that.” Lu watched him intently, reading him.

“Amongst other things…” He refilled his glass and hers.

“It’s not too late to tell her.”

“Lu c’mon.”

She rose from the stool and stood between his legs. She placed both hands on his face and tilted his head upward. Keith tried to avert his eyes.

“I know I was just saying I wasn’t Allura earlier, but technically…genetically I am. Tell me what you need to tell her. Get it out of your system. You’ve been holding on to a lot for far too long. It’s gonna eat you alive if you keep it in.”

“I can’t…”

His eyes slipped closed.

“Just try.”

She brushed the hair from his forehead then went back to cupping his face.

Keith kept his eyes shut, trying to harden himself before opening them again, knowing he’d break now if he looked at her. He took a deep breath after an exceptionally long pause and his dark eyes fluttered open.

“I was a coward. I wanted you but didn’t have the courage to claim you. I wouldn’t let anyone know about us. I wouldn’t call you my girlfriend. You told me you loved me and I felt it but didn’t say it back. I was afraid and now you’re gone. You’re gone and you’ll never know…”

His lip quivered.

“I’ll never know what?” Lu urged him on softly.

“That I loved you. God I loved you…” tears trickled down his cheeks, “I loved your mind, the way you laughed, the way you sang off key in the shower” He laughed.

“I think,” he continued, “I think I was afraid to define it, to make it real because then it would hurt even more if I lost you. And yet by not saying anything I was probably pushing you away.”

He let his head slip from Lu’s grasp and buried it in her sweatshirt. His arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her close, fingers digging into her. She gently stroked his hair, letting him sob, letting the wetness stain her top. Something was brewing inside her, a jealously, a longing, a want to be loved that much, guilt for wanting someone that technically wasn’t hers even though she had all the memories of it. She swallowed hard and patiently stayed still until he eventually stopped, his breathing finally slow and calm.

“I’m a fucking mess Lu” he mumbled into her sweatshirt, too embarrassed to lift his head.

“Well I didn’t want to say anything” she said sarcastically while gently scratching at the nape of his neck which elicited a raspy laugh from Keith.

“How is that you’re the one who’s so composed during all this?”

“Well the amnesia helps and if it makes you feel better after I left your office the other night I threw all of Allura’s clothes in the garbage and the next day I made Katie take me to get my hair cut.” Lu chuckled awkwardly. She may have acted composed but her thoughts were anything but.

“I like it. Also did I mention I was sorry for being a jackass?”

“Yes but I do enjoy hearing you say it.” Lu patted the top of Keith’s head. “It’s getting late. I think I should go and I think you should get some rest.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“No to which?”

“All of it. I don’t want to sleep and I don’t want you to go.” Keith squeezed her at the waist which seemed to push every shade of pink and red up into her cheeks.

“Heh, you’re just saying that because I remind you of your ex” she joked.

Keith looked up then and finally stood, keeping his hold on her and sliding up the length of her body as he went. The closeness and friction drew a shuddering gasp out of her mouth.

“Have I ever accidently called you Allura, even once?” he asked bluntly, so close to her face she could feel his breath.

“N-no.”

Now it was Lu’s turn to avoid eye contact.

“I’m not trying to use you. I don’t want to use you” he whispered in her mouth.

“I know. It’s complicated. Half the time I don’t even know if my feelings are mine or hers.” She kept trying to laugh it off.

“And what feelings are those?” Keith closed the gap.

“I think you know.” Lu eyes slid closed.

His lips brushed against hers, then again with a bit more determination. She wrapped her arms around his neck. Each kiss was long and lingering and warm. His tongue slid slowly in an out of her mouth with each parting of her lips.

“You’re making this more complicated” she pointed out between kisses, trying to lighten the mood, to distract from the fact that her heart was pounding hard and loud in her chest.

“I can stop.” He nuzzled her face.

“I didn’t say stop I just said you’re making it more complicated.”

He grabbed her by the back of her thighs and hoisted her up, one arm wrapped around her bottom, the other her waist. Lu planted soft kisses on his mouth and snaked her legs around him while he carried her into his bedroom. He let her down gently before yanking her into him by grabbing her by the belt loops of her jeans, eliciting a small gasp. He pushed up her sweatshirt and unfastened her pants, shoving them down to her ankles in one swift motion. Next came the sweatshirt and the tank top after that, lifting both over her head simultaneously, kissing her as soon as her mouth was exposed. Once both items were over her arms she let her limbs fall around his neck while he tossed the clothing on the floor.

Keith backed her into the bed, laying her down and nestling himself between her legs. Their lips met once again, teeth and tongues, hands cupping over her breast, fingers caressing the lace of her bra. Her hands slid into his hair, nails gently grazing his scalp as she nibbled and kissed and licked. Keith pulled back and sat up on his knees to yank his shirt off, but hesitated. He suddenly felt nervous and scared and guilty. Lu sat up and placed her hands on his hips.

“I want you…but…” he said softly, trailing off.

“Afraid of what’ll happen if we cross that line?”

“A little…a lot.”

“We don’t have to do this, we can take our time.” She gave a half hearted smile. She wanted to be understanding but her heart tightened in her chest. 

“What about you? What do you want?” He tried to push her head back so she’d look at him but she stubbornly pulled away in order to keep her head down.

“I, heh, I just,” she kept shaking her head while trying to control her voice that was cracking as the lumps swelled in her throat. “I want to do whatever makes you feel comfortable.”

“Lu…”

She tried to laugh but the tears came instead and she rested her head against his stomach so he couldn’t look at her.

“I want you so badly sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe. And I know it’s because of her but I don’t fucking care” she blurted out. “I have all these memories of your touch and your skin and how you felt inside me but that’s all they are, memories, her memories, and I don’t want her goddamn memories” she spat out angrily. “I want my own. I want my own memories with you. I want to actually feel you, to know what it’s like to feel you, not just a recollection of it.”

She gritted her teeth, embarrassed of her little tirade, her fingers dropped from his sides and twisted in the sheets. He didn’t respond right away. The silence was excruciating. When Keith did finally move it startled her. He grasped the bottom of his shirt and slowly lifted it over his head and tossed it aside.

“What are you doing?” She looked up at him finally, eyes glistening and face still damp with tears.

Keith pushed her back down on the bed with the weight of his body. “If you’re willing to risk crossing the line, to get messy and complicated then so am I. We do it together.”

Lu nodded and pulled him closer into her. His lips dragged across her neck as he grinded against her feeling ever more constricted by his jeans. Her fingers worked carefully at the button and zipper and soon enough she was hooking her thumbs between the denim and his skin and pushing his pants and boxers off his hips. Keith propped himself up on his elbows so Lu could get his jeans the rest of the way down his legs. He wriggled out his pants and kicked them over the side of the bed.

He rolled them over so they were both on their sides, his hand running up her back until he found the clasp of her bra. His lips placed long lingering kisses on her mouth and cheeks and chin. The hooks came undone and he pushed a strap off one shoulder, fingers savoring the feel of her skin. Lu rolled onto her back to take her panties off while his mouth found her breast. She inhaled sharply, distracted, her underwear now at her knees. Keith gave her no time to fully remove them before his hand was between her legs, massaging her briefly before inserting his fingers. Lu moaned and arched her back, her toes curling into the sheets, her legs trapped and constricted by her undergarment. She squirmed and writhed underneath him, held onto his arms tightly. Keith grinded his palm into her agonizingly slow as his fingers slid in and out, wrenching long whining whimpers from Lu with each movement.

“Please” she begged helplessly.

Keith kissed the side of her face, showing a bit of mercy as he pulled his hand away and pushed down her underwear the rest of the way. He locked eyes with her and didn’t dare look away as he moved on top of her. They searched each other’s eyes, for confirmation, for reassurance, a promise that this was right. There was no guarantee they wouldn’t crash and burn, but fear had Keith living in regret for so long, for years, that he wouldn’t dare make that mistake again. And Lu, if she was going to falter she needed to do it as Lu, she could no longer let Allura dictate her actions from this moment forward. If she was meant to eventually love Keith, she had to know for herself, to take the leap.

“Are you sure” he asked one final time.

“Yes.”

“I can stop any time.”

“Don’t.”

His lips pushed into hers. His hips followed. Lu whimpered and gasped into his mouth. His toned lean frame moved on her, in her, grinded, thrust. Kisses burned into her throat, her collarbone. Her legs wrapped around his waist, gently locking him in place.

With each movement Allura’s memories were being overwritten. Lu no longer had to watch Allura and Keith like a voyeur in her own mind. She was collecting her own data of his kiss, his touch, the sound of his raspy moans, how he filled every inch of her. He’d exhale her name into her cheeks and her ears recorded it, memorized it. This is what she wanted, what she needed.

Keith took her hands and pushed them over her head, intertwined fingers, squeezed. He was gathering his own details of her facial expressions, her eyes, every moan, lip bite, recalling everything that made her uniquely and independently and beautifully Lu.

He tested her threshold, his gentleness fading into more aggressive movements, wanting to hear the noises he could get out of her. Her loud gasping breaths were satisfying, her shuddering moans as she came were rewarding. The way she pleaded his name in broken pieces gave him permission to release. He allowed himself one final feeling of her tightness, her wetness, her warmth before pulling back and expending himself on her inner thigh.

His body began to shake, hard, and he let himself go limp on top of her, let her hold him and caress his hair while he focused on her heartbeat to soothe his own. Keith’s breathing synced with hers and he basked in the warmth of her bare skin until he fell asleep.

 

_“It’s just lunch. I won’t be gone long, promise.”_

_She stands upright and heads toward the door, grabbing her purse while looking out the window._

_“Hmm…it’s starting to rain…”_

_She looks back at Keith for what would be the last time, a gentle smile appearing on her face._

_“Goodbye Keith.”_

_“Bye Allura.”_

 

Keith jolted up in a sweat to find himself alone in the bed. His eyes darted to the nightstand clock to see it was late morning. Rain was beating against the window. He dragged himself out of bed, slipped on his boxers and popped his head in the bathroom to find it empty. He walked out into the living room to find no one there as well. Panic began to set in as it dawned on him that it was raining and Lu was gone. N _ot again._ He threw open the front door to find Lu standing there holding herself in nothing but her sweatshirt and a pair of his shorts, barefoot on the doormat. He sighed with relief.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Just watching the rain. I couldn’t get back to sleep.”

“Had me a little worried.”

He came up behind and slipped his arms around her.

“Sorry” Lu apologized as she leaned into him.

“Do you need to get back? I’d like it if you could stay.”

“I can call and check in with Katie. I’ll come up with something.”

“Tell her you’re with me.”

“Keith are you su-”

“I don’t care. If we’re going to keep doing this they’re gonna find out. We should at least tell Katie.”

They stood there for a while, watching the heavy rain pour down, wrapped up in each other.

“Breakfast?” he whispered into her ear before kissing her lobe.

Lu nodded and followed him inside.

 

+++

 

“I don’t know about this” Keith said with trepidation, sitting down in the chair.

“I think you need to see it. I think it’ll give you closure.” Katie placed a hand on his shoulder as she stood behind him.

Lu sat in a chair next to him, his hand cupped in both of hers. He turned to her for reassurance and she nodded with a gentle smile.

“Ready” he sighed, brows furrowed. He adjusted his glasses nervously.

Katie held out the remote and hit play. The large television screen came to life and suddenly there was Allura in her lab coat, hair in a messy high bun, smile on her bright face. Keith’s heart seized at the sight of her, tears already welling in his eyes. He shifted his hand until his fingers were clasped with Lu’s. He squeezed. She squeezed back.

 

_Hello, my name is Dr. Allura Altea_

_and if you’re watching this I’m no longer here…but you are._

_I’m sure you’re very confused right now._

_You probably have a billion questions that I hope this video will answer._

_But before I do that, there’s one thing I want you to know, that I want you to remember._

_I may be the foundation on which you were built, but from here on out it’s all you, and it’s up to you to make something wonderful out of this life, to do whatever you want with it._

_Don’t be scared. Don’t live with regret._

_It’s not your job to be another Allura. You’re so much more than that just by being here. So go forward and have an amazing adventure ok?_

_Great…now let’s begin…_


End file.
